Rants of a bored homemaker - Kindness

I came across this post from Vex King today:

This is such a powerful quote. I'm surrounded by people where I live who consider kindness to be an act of manipulation. The actions which are genuinely done out of concern, love, encouragement or mindfulness are often interpreted as an act of selfishness, ego, contol or influence. 

I'm not sure if this issue exists only around me or if any of you have faced similar challenges. I'll give you a simple example. I appreciated a colleague for their hardwork and deliverance recently. I later heard that this act was considered as showing off. Apparently I wanted to show everyone that I am a good person and I only want to extract more work from the colleague behind all the goodness. Although my intentions were genuine, it still was perceived in a very different way.

This is just one of many situations that I've been through. I've been told I'm too humble. I'm too polite so it's easier for others to take advantage of me. I'm too gullible. I'm too good to others. I don't know how to say no and so on..

Growing up one of the most important things that my mother taught me was to be kind. I had seen my closest relatives being really unkind to me and to each other. When I used to be upset about it, my mother always told me to focus on my actions and to let everything else upto the universe. I might not be the brightest and might be a spend thrift but it's been engrained in me to be aware of my actions especially when it comes to another human being and to be consciously kind.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not a saint. I can be stubborn at times, I lack patience, can be short tempered depending on my mood. I possess many more such qualities. But I try to learn from my mistakes. I'm learning about boundaries, saying no without guilt, trying to be more patient and not lose temper. These are few of the attributes that I'm learning. I've many flaws that I carry with me but being kind to others is a conscious decision that I make. To uplift, support each other, encourage to do good, provide a lending ear....these are all conscious choices. I may not be the richest or most popular but I go to bed knowing that I've not cheated or lied or manipulated anyone. I go to bed at peace.

I have been wronged many times by dear ones, colleagues and strangers. I've been heart broken so many times that I've really lost count.  Living in a cantonment and an unpredictable life has also given me the ability to deal with disappointments as life happens.

I'll share an incident that happened with me few months ago. I was advised by someone from my unit to not put my personal life out there because a narrative is being spread by a family from my same unit that I treat my husband with disrespect and I'm not grateful to my husband for the life I have in this Cantt. Well, for a second I was taken aback, then I thought to myself I don't really remember sharing anything personal and this is not something I wanted to know. But knowing the nature of that family very well, their actions weren't really disappointing to me. Also, later both me and my husband had a good laugh about it. 

I could have taken this incident to my heart and spoken ill about the family to that person or others but I chose not to do it. All I said to the person who shared this with me was I know my truth and I don't really have to prove anything to anyone. Neither am I going to change with what I know now. I'm going to be myself and as long as I have good health, peace of mind and a happy home, nothing and no-one else matters.

Life has put me in situations where I thought to myself what did I deserve to be here. But in all of these situations, all I knew was that I don't have to reciprocate and become one among those who chose to hurt me. It's not my responsibility to wrong them. Their actions will be accounted for. All I can do is keep going, try not to hurt anyone intentionally in the process and live a life in peace.

In the end....it all comes to choices. Choose to be kind. We all need it at the end of the day.

New day - New me

Yesterday sucked, but the day started with sunshine, good vibes and a loving husband 😊

It's bright and sunny outside, a little too bright for my liking. I will definitely get roasted if I even think of stepping out for some sunshine. But my morning started with a lovely cup of cold coffee and some yummy toast. I've been lazing around since then.

I'm not doing any cooking today. I've decided to just enjoy watching my favourite series with some chips and juice. My husband has gone back to being a darling today. Life is back to being good. The best part of yesterday was I spoke to a long time friend of mine.

Our story is fascinating. If you have some time, read through to find our story.

So it all started with both our mothers being the best of friends. We've known each other since we were couple of months old. 

This is us...me being the dram queen as always and him looking at my drama🤣

Our early days we studied in the same school and were also neighbours. We've had some amazing memories during those times. Aunty used to write me these little notes to keep me out of trouble with my parents. Then as luck would have it, we separated at the age of ten. 

He moved to a different country and I stayed behind. I thought I would never get to speak to him or meet him again. But thanks to Facebook, I found him. This happened when I was finishing college. Since then we've stayed in touch. He even came down to meet me when I was working and that was the last time I met him.

We have been mostly in touch since then. We're both happily married and living our own separate lives. However, we've managed to share whatever little details of our lives chatting with each other.

Yesterday I realised that since the time we started chatting with each other, not once have we spoken on the phone via audio or video calls. We've just been messaging each other all these years. Since I was having a bad day, I decided to change that and finally called him instead of messaging him the details. Oh, it was such a good call. It reminded me of the days we spent as children underneath the big mango tree in front of his house.

We both were wondering the same thing - why didn't we do this earlier. Maybe it was the different timezones or availability. But it was better late than never. So my day finally ended in a good note with some really good news too which I cannot really share but makes me really happy.

So here's to good days and bad....just know that you'll survive through both anyhow and that's just life.

Sneak peek of my day - not a good one

Today was one of those days where I felt heavy and alone. I got through it, good job, ME!

I think God had designed my hell and I'm living in it. Heat, humidity, no electricity and really just fudged up day or days. Cooking in a hot day has to be the most dreadful punishment anyone can get. Heat from the atmosphere and the flames from gas are just enough to realise that you may be living in hell afterall. 

Why do I cook in such heat you ask? That's because if I don't cook, I'll have to starve to death and I don't want that to be an option.

After I finished cooking followed by lunch, I started preparing to go for an event. This was the second place which gave me the feeling of living in hell because of just one person. She carries so much negative energy that I really dread to spend any time with her. On the plus side, I got to meet few really good women. Women who gave me hope for better days. I saw friendships, laughter, innocence and realised that these women are resilient. They live in such challenging circumstances but choose to stay in the present, stay grounded. 

Their positivity was unfortunately not enough for me. Today just feels so damn heavy to carry. I feel alone although I'm married. My husband is a darling some days but other days not so much. He is a good man but then there are days when it just feels like communicating with him is a different kind of hell. Today is that day. Disappointments just keep stacking up. I'm just waiting for the day to end for a better tomorrow.