Rants of a bored homemaker - Kindness

I came across this post from Vex King today:

This is such a powerful quote. I'm surrounded by people where I live who consider kindness to be an act of manipulation. The actions which are genuinely done out of concern, love, encouragement or mindfulness are often interpreted as an act of selfishness, ego, contol or influence. 

I'm not sure if this issue exists only around me or if any of you have faced similar challenges. I'll give you a simple example. I appreciated a colleague for their hardwork and deliverance recently. I later heard that this act was considered as showing off. Apparently I wanted to show everyone that I am a good person and I only want to extract more work from the colleague behind all the goodness. Although my intentions were genuine, it still was perceived in a very different way.

This is just one of many situations that I've been through. I've been told I'm too humble. I'm too polite so it's easier for others to take advantage of me. I'm too gullible. I'm too good to others. I don't know how to say no and so on..

Growing up one of the most important things that my mother taught me was to be kind. I had seen my closest relatives being really unkind to me and to each other. When I used to be upset about it, my mother always told me to focus on my actions and to let everything else upto the universe. I might not be the brightest and might be a spend thrift but it's been engrained in me to be aware of my actions especially when it comes to another human being and to be consciously kind.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not a saint. I can be stubborn at times, I lack patience, can be short tempered depending on my mood. I possess many more such qualities. But I try to learn from my mistakes. I'm learning about boundaries, saying no without guilt, trying to be more patient and not lose temper. These are few of the attributes that I'm learning. I've many flaws that I carry with me but being kind to others is a conscious decision that I make. To uplift, support each other, encourage to do good, provide a lending ear....these are all conscious choices. I may not be the richest or most popular but I go to bed knowing that I've not cheated or lied or manipulated anyone. I go to bed at peace.

I have been wronged many times by dear ones, colleagues and strangers. I've been heart broken so many times that I've really lost count.  Living in a cantonment and an unpredictable life has also given me the ability to deal with disappointments as life happens.

I'll share an incident that happened with me few months ago. I was advised by someone from my unit to not put my personal life out there because a narrative is being spread by a family from my same unit that I treat my husband with disrespect and I'm not grateful to my husband for the life I have in this Cantt. Well, for a second I was taken aback, then I thought to myself I don't really remember sharing anything personal and this is not something I wanted to know. But knowing the nature of that family very well, their actions weren't really disappointing to me. Also, later both me and my husband had a good laugh about it. 

I could have taken this incident to my heart and spoken ill about the family to that person or others but I chose not to do it. All I said to the person who shared this with me was I know my truth and I don't really have to prove anything to anyone. Neither am I going to change with what I know now. I'm going to be myself and as long as I have good health, peace of mind and a happy home, nothing and no-one else matters.

Life has put me in situations where I thought to myself what did I deserve to be here. But in all of these situations, all I knew was that I don't have to reciprocate and become one among those who chose to hurt me. It's not my responsibility to wrong them. Their actions will be accounted for. All I can do is keep going, try not to hurt anyone intentionally in the process and live a life in peace.

In the end....it all comes to choices. Choose to be kind. We all need it at the end of the day.

New day - New me

Yesterday sucked, but the day started with sunshine, good vibes and a loving husband 😊

It's bright and sunny outside, a little too bright for my liking. I will definitely get roasted if I even think of stepping out for some sunshine. But my morning started with a lovely cup of cold coffee and some yummy toast. I've been lazing around since then.

I'm not doing any cooking today. I've decided to just enjoy watching my favourite series with some chips and juice. My husband has gone back to being a darling today. Life is back to being good. The best part of yesterday was I spoke to a long time friend of mine.

Our story is fascinating. If you have some time, read through to find our story.

So it all started with both our mothers being the best of friends. We've known each other since we were couple of months old. 

This is us...me being the dram queen as always and him looking at my drama🤣

Our early days we studied in the same school and were also neighbours. We've had some amazing memories during those times. Aunty used to write me these little notes to keep me out of trouble with my parents. Then as luck would have it, we separated at the age of ten. 

He moved to a different country and I stayed behind. I thought I would never get to speak to him or meet him again. But thanks to Facebook, I found him. This happened when I was finishing college. Since then we've stayed in touch. He even came down to meet me when I was working and that was the last time I met him.

We have been mostly in touch since then. We're both happily married and living our own separate lives. However, we've managed to share whatever little details of our lives chatting with each other.

Yesterday I realised that since the time we started chatting with each other, not once have we spoken on the phone via audio or video calls. We've just been messaging each other all these years. Since I was having a bad day, I decided to change that and finally called him instead of messaging him the details. Oh, it was such a good call. It reminded me of the days we spent as children underneath the big mango tree in front of his house.

We both were wondering the same thing - why didn't we do this earlier. Maybe it was the different timezones or availability. But it was better late than never. So my day finally ended in a good note with some really good news too which I cannot really share but makes me really happy.

So here's to good days and bad....just know that you'll survive through both anyhow and that's just life.

Sneak peek of my day - not a good one

Today was one of those days where I felt heavy and alone. I got through it, good job, ME!

I think God had designed my hell and I'm living in it. Heat, humidity, no electricity and really just fudged up day or days. Cooking in a hot day has to be the most dreadful punishment anyone can get. Heat from the atmosphere and the flames from gas are just enough to realise that you may be living in hell afterall. 

Why do I cook in such heat you ask? That's because if I don't cook, I'll have to starve to death and I don't want that to be an option.

After I finished cooking followed by lunch, I started preparing to go for an event. This was the second place which gave me the feeling of living in hell because of just one person. She carries so much negative energy that I really dread to spend any time with her. On the plus side, I got to meet few really good women. Women who gave me hope for better days. I saw friendships, laughter, innocence and realised that these women are resilient. They live in such challenging circumstances but choose to stay in the present, stay grounded. 

Their positivity was unfortunately not enough for me. Today just feels so damn heavy to carry. I feel alone although I'm married. My husband is a darling some days but other days not so much. He is a good man but then there are days when it just feels like communicating with him is a different kind of hell. Today is that day. Disappointments just keep stacking up. I'm just waiting for the day to end for a better tomorrow. 

Rants of a bored homemaker - Self esteem

Welcome to another not so interesting read of thoughts, questions and discussions going  around in my mind. If you are a bored homemaker as I, you may be able to relate to these thoughts regarding self-esteem. 

These wandering thoughts about self-esteem arose during one of those not so happy discussions with my husband. He suggested I look for a job so that I can keep my mind busy and channel my energy into something productive instead of these not so productive discussions. It was surprising since he is generally a supportive partner. It also led me into thinking - Is this how it is going to be hereafter? Are my discussions going to be productive only if I have job or a hobby that keeps my mind busy? For someone like me who just got into the role of a homemaker, my self-esteem took a hit with these thoughts.

I've been advised time and again by families, and society to find a job not for financial independence but to keep the mind busy. It's generally made apparent that finances can be managed, but an empty mind, not so much. It made me realise how easy it is to ignore  challenges in the current situation and to blame it on one's mind. The funny thing about this is that my mind is never quiet. I can get bored but even then I'm wondering what to do next. 

Throughout my life I have seen and heard people treating well-educated, working-class people as stupid and only useful for household/ meager chores on many occasions. I've also observed people being conditioned to forgive and forget for a cordial marriage or societal relationship. In my experience I've seen more of this happening to women than men. It's also  probably why today women and men have started to realise their ability to be on their own than be treated like anything less than a human being. 

So then for people like me who have become homemakers by choice, how do we stand by our choice when the very people for whom we've made this choice ask us to get jobs or hobbies especially when there's any inconvenience or distasteful situation. Before you come at my throat for my choice, let me make it very clear that I'm in no way against working or working women. I was a working woman and I do believe in financial independence and one's contribution towards society. If I could continue working on my terms while staying with my husband, I would have happily chosen to do so. In an ideal world, I would not have to be dealing with this at all because I'd be having ideal circumstances/partner/ family / society.  In reality, for most of us, our circumstances are not ideal. We have our flaws and strengths. While there are many flaws in the partners, families and society that we're living in, we still choose to love and live with them. One of the options that's available today is to leave the current situation, choose independence and start looking for an ideal life with many opportunities present in the world we live in. While I'm capable of doing it, I'd rather work towards betterment of this not so ideal life. 

I understand esteem is not dependent on anyone but self. But at times unknowingly we do let others take charge of our confidence. Choosing to be a homemaker was one of the toughest decisions of my life as I come from a family of ambitious, well-educated working women. I've understood that maintaining one's self- esteem as a homemaker while living with challenging or not so ideal partner, families and society is going to be quite a journey. 

Is one's self-worth only associated with the job that they do or a hobby they pursue?  What can be the next steps? I know the answers to these questions, however,  at times I feel that the answers that I know are not really the answers  that I want to accept. So I'm dilly dallying my way through it and now you all are a part of it too. 

There are many of you living your lives just the way you want having mastered the ability to deal with not so ideal partner/families and society. Kudos to you! Today I can say confidently that I'm not there yet but  it makes me happy to know that I can share my wandering thoughts with my husband, families and my dear readers. It'll make me happier to know your thoughts too. So let me know what's your take on self- worth in the comments below 😊

Rants of a bored homemaker - Expectations vs Reality

Let me first thank all of you who encouraged me to write and the ones who chose to remain quiet and not discourage 😊 For those who are reading my blog for the first time, you may want to get some background from my previous post so that you don’t start wondering why this woman is not making any sense.

For everyone else with some idea about me, let me clarify that while the life of a homemaker is mostly a busy one, I don’t have a busy life yet. I don’t cook, clean, wash clothes or deal with relatives (fauji ones too, ifykyk :P). I’m grateful for this life and for having a husband without whom this life would have been a distant dream. Yes…yes… I am blessed, I know!! (Wait till you see us fighting😉)

Since I have all the time in this world, I thought I should share my boredom and random thoughts with you. 

As a human being, of course there are some expectations set for me by society, parents, in-laws, husband and my own self. I mentioned "human being" because expectations are applicable to all genders. If there are some expectations for me, my husband also has his own share of expectations set by others. For example, my parents and in-laws have been expecting their grandchild from the day we got married and it is applicable to the both of us. Thankfully there’s no gender disparity in this matter.

Here are some expectations for me irrespective of who set it and when it was set. Remember, these are all the thoughts in my head which I’m trying to express with the best of knowledge I have so that I don’t turn into Anabelle. 

Here's a photo of Anabelle for your understanding. If she didn't scare you then I applaud you. Now you can read on to know my scary thoughts. 

So here it goes ....

1. I’m expected to be grateful for my current life. The reality is that while I truly am grateful, it would have been better if this life also included a well-paying job that also satisfies my passion. I don't think it's too much to ask at the time of recession. Isn't it? Also after dedicating my last few years for a big corporate I have to figure out what my passion actually is.

2. I’m expected to utilize my current time in an effective way. I’ve been advised to go for walking, jogging, cycling, swimming (Fun fact: I don’t know how to swim), painting, drawing, dancing, learning something new, getting certifications and so on… The reality is I woke up today, stared at the ceiling and decided to make two pigtails. Why did I make pigtails? Anabelle inspired me...Bwahahahaha!

3. I’m expected to plan for a child. The reality is me and my husband are still trying to figure out which movie to watch together and we still haven’t been able to mutually agree to one. So, planning anything else is just out of the question.

4. I’m expected to relax and enjoy life. The reality is while I really want to, I just don’t know how to do it without knowing how I’m going to improve myself be it financially or creatively or just simply as a decent human being.

There are many more but honestly, I’m now too tired to think and more importantly turn my thoughts into words with decent grammar. Sorry grammar geeks! 

With these expectations and many more, the reality is that I still have a lot to figure out but at this moment I'm choosing to give myself a break and just rest. 

If you have absolutely nothing to do right now, like me, do let me know in the comments below what are the expectations set for you (or by yourself) vs what is your reality.

Link to my previous post: https://notahousewifebutahomemaker.blogspot.com/2023/02/intro-to-bored-housewifenopethe-bored.html

Intro to the bored housewife.Nope....the bored homemaker!

Let me start by telling you when and why the housewife became "the homemaker". Well...my mother corrected me when I called myself a housewife earlier and told me that "beta, you are a homemaker not a housewife". If you were expecting a deeper meaning in the above statement, sorry to disappoint!

Before you educate me for being lazy, living off husband's money, having self- respect and importance of financial independence because I am a home maker, let me tell you a little about myself. I am a 31-year-old woman, been married for little over a year. My hobbies keep changing like weather these days. Living in my own fairytale world (not always with a happy ending!)

Points to note to understand why I am a home maker now:

1. I used to work with a reputed e-commerce firm till a couple of months ago, owned by the person who was particularly interested cruising through his multi- billion-dollar boat by demolishing a century old bridge (I may be wrong with the facts and figures, also too lazy to google it 😅). 

2. I am married to an officer of the Indian Army and have chosen to tag along with my husband in his postings just like the puppy from Vodafone ad (Wherever he goes, I will follow). Since the reputed firm did not give me an option to work from home at the current posting, I had to resign. Also, having to pack and unpack my house every two years while working with a firm who put their business ahead of everything else was simply not practical. 

3. I have been told to start pursuing B.Ed. or any other degree related to the education industry to explore opportunities with every transfer. But honestly as I'm growing older, I'm realizing my patience level is diminishing with age which might not be a good quality in a teacher.

So, for now, till I can figure out what to do with my life, I'm going to pen down my thoughts so that I don't turn into a person who talks to herself. It would be better to be known as Alice in wonderland instead of Annabelle!

 If you have absolutely nothing to do, like me, you can read through my stories if or when I publish. (I have absolutely no idea how and what to write yet. Guess it will be a surprise for you and me, both.)

Also...please note: Never in my life have I enjoyed writing so for all the grammar geeks out there, I apologize in advance.

Till then wishing from the bottom of my heart that boredom don't get to you like it got to me ;)